The lusty Month of May

In the lusty month of May in my first case since graduating law school. I had the priviledge of representing pro bono a hooker who was being forced into a peace bond against her family. It was a case that had everything: Sex, bomb threats, family dispute, and even death. It was a family tragedy utterly on par with anything Shakespeare could derive, yet it was a tale of a mother daughter dispute and both were hookers, so not as noble as a Shakespeare tale… It was no ‘Taming of the Shrew’ I was the lawyer on record for the daughter… here is my story.

This occurred days after completing my law degree, but I had been representing clients for all of law school at community legal aid, kinda like when a medical student checks you out under the supervision of a real doctor, but I was free now of the containment,
and prepared to become a candid, white, and young Johnny Cockrane, you know a real asshole, and best of all this would be my last court appearance in Windsor, so the reputation wouldn’t follow, I could boarder on contempt of court and yell movie lines at witnesses like, ‘you cant handle the truth!’ but add at th end: ‘you whore!’ And then tell the judge who was about to fine me: ‘its all for the best defence of my client your honor’ and then consitutionally speaking he would have to allow my mockery.

One last mayhem event on the seedy side of the law, before I head to the financial capital of the west to pursue corporate law, and raise equity for rough neck mining operators who have young trophy wifes they just married, or what I refer to as the synergy of money and love. I mean its big business, so I need to soak up the white trash criminal law now that I have the luxury for working for free on cases that intrigue my palette, and this case really did have everything: Evidentiary issues. Beautifully and dreamy issues for any defense lawyer. Especially a criminal with an education like myself.

The whole family showed up to berate my client. There was no doubt about it. They were a vicious bunch of fornicators if I ever seen some. Before trial I met with the Crown Prosecutor. I was egging him on to bring the issue to trial, but the established lawyer knew better than to allow this ridiculousness forward, but he tested me first, to check out if I was stupid enough to lose. Of course he withdrew the application (note: I should of winked at him and said, ‘Good move I would of won’). As a maverick I enjoy making government employees like proecutors nervous.
He tested me by saying, ‘you realize this whole family is dysfunctional, why wont your client just agree to a mutual peace bond. I said, “so what! Lots of people are dysfunctional, and believe me, I would love to put a legal leash on all these mutants, but people have rights! And we are good men of the law in a sick sick world,” and besides my client is not to blame here’ (note: she was).

So the client sobbed in happiness when I told her we had won before it ever started, I enjoyed that moment briefly. Then I headed back to headquarters as the client relentlessly thanked me, and I closed the file. Up next in my wacky adventure! Having tea with the lead anchor on A channel monday morning.