A letter to my commrades

March 2007

Today Im pondering that question I can never seem to escape. Far too many times than I care to recall, I have been characterized as a wanton criminal. The events of saturday night explain why this has happened again:

I rememeber what happened… I just dont remember why? It was the after party of our graduation diner ( a Kind of Prom for law school). The epicenter of this was a lustful experiment in my crews limo. I remember leaving the party with a small but respectable collection of women. I instructed the driver, “Tony, our next stop is the promised land!” The next two hours was the begining of a ‘gross physical salute’ to all that is possible when there are no limits. Tom was having us make rounds to his drug dealers, Lisa was screaming like a bangee something about strippers, and Debbie was demanding I put lip stick on her nipples as she withheld my scotch…

On arrival at the strip club I was immediately accused of grabbing a strippers ass. Well! I either brushed by her accidently or my buddy Tom is too blame. Either way, I didnt grab her ass. I was actually there to propose to my s.s.g.f, (secrert stripper girlfriend). She is Bulgarian, works at the shitest strip club in Windsor, and I am completely in love with her. So I figuared showing up hammered in a limo wearing a fine suit, with several other women clammered around me, would win her over. As eluded earlier, this was cut short as I was ejected.
I know I would be removed from somewhere that evening, the oracle fortold it, so might as well be a strip club. However when you wear a suit and have a respectful entrouge, and a limo driver named Tony as your security detail, bouncers are very polite when you are accused of being a ass graber. So there was no incident and as of such and I left…. Then blurr blurr I wake up the next day.

The next day for reasons that a varied and confusing (albeit somewhat legitimate) my building managment thinks Im a rotton scum bag who inflicts troubling consequences. A meance to society. Therefore when a window gets broken in a random act. It was instantly assumed that I was too blame. Thats why I got this phone call the next day from my landlord stating, “we know you broke the window, there is witinesses. Your finished Jeff Bone.”

Bull shit. Nice try Manager but your dealing with a pro, who just happens to be innocent for once.

I tell you now people, I am innocent of these charges. Why is it of all the crimes I committed last night, Im being slammed with one I am not connected too.
I think they are now slowly figuaring it out. I believe the real culprits are on the 3rd floor, and the police arrived on Monday afternoon to check them out. But as for me? Yes, when I saw the police I fled, I am a fugative. Like a caged animal I refuse to get cornored. Even though I supoosedly should have nothing to hide. But thats where your wrong and I know better. A person who maintains there innocence are treated worse than Hitler. Take my advice.

Unfortunately, this may be my addiction, to find my way into these matters. Bill Clinton’s got it too, I know some of you got it, cause we have been beside each other laughing wildly as we drive over a cliff of self destruction. Taking pride in a cunning ability to follow only the laws we feel are acceptable impedents on our life. Its not that were lawless. We dont steel, or hurt people, we just ignore laws born out of a groundless nature. Others who follow a more traditional path don’t like us. So they trump up charges and try to paint us as some sort of rappist baby eater… Make no mistake, these moral people are Bastards.

The code of the criminal

Do I have a criminal nature? I know I have a criminial mind. But that doesnt make me a criminal. My mind has been conditioned that way. Cultiivated, if you well, by by Hunter S. Thompson books and experiences of being shackled and whipped by those who think there righteous.
So yes I concede that., but I am a solicitor with a good name. I even pay taxes from time to time. I have a sense of fairness. Its not all jungle warfare. Why do fingers alway get pointed at me? And always for the crimes I don’t commit. None of the real scams ever get called out into the light of day, or even my more flagerent violations go undetected.
Perhaps that why I wake up every night in a cold sweet, and run to my door to see if the coast is clear. That is panic, you would think it is not a good way to live, but it is the only way for me.
I hear sirens and instantly know ‘the collector’ is out for me. Hes had a grudge. Ever since I broke into my elementary school for kicks many years ago and got away with it. I convinecd the securty guard who final caught us, not to call my parents. Oh the collector watches very closly since then. Trying to nab me when Im most vulnerable and least expect it. He has come close, but no dice yet.
I have been on this course since the 3rd grade. I cant stop now, may be if I had been taught to curb my behavoir, but gentle words and a smile have gotten me this far, and there is no turning back. Im all in… I cant just go home quietly like all the others. I prefer orgous limo ride, and full thortle widness.

Just rememeber, never believe what they tell you, unless you have rigorously applied your own logic on to the situation. People are wrong. Talk is cheap. Instead trust crazy wild animals who walk the line.

Remember you can count on me, when they accuse you falsely. Shit will always happen. Keep current, and always act smarter than your accuser. Fight fire with fire, and be a warrior, else a cruel fate awaits us. This is a battle… If we give in, they’ll be nothing left but George W. Bush and homoerotic Veggie Tales yabbering about the Bible. That is terrffiying! So be prepared to fight. I said enough here, so Ill leave this legally sensitive topic for now, and wish you all the best for the spring. (status: still not arrested yet.)